Yes, the title of this blog post is a Nickelback reference. I was just listening to Lullaby so maybe that’s why I’m so sappy currently. Also, I just really love Nickelback 💕
Wow, it’s been so long since I last blogged. I can’t believe it. I’ve been super busy with work and school and just haven’t had a spare moment to sit down and write a blog post.
I’m one course away from my communications degree! It’s been a long road, almost 5 years of post secondary, but in that time, I have gotten my journalism diploma (with honours) and have almost reached my goal of my communications degree.
I’m writing this blog post not only for myself but also for anyone else who is struggling with the same things that I am.
The idea for this post came from when I was swiping my way through Tinder. I’m somewhat ashamed to admit that I actually use Tinder but hey, it’s 2018.
So anywho, I swiped right on very few men. Maybe like 5 or 6 and I think only 1 was a match. And they must have unmatched me right away because the little red notification dot at the top right disappeared a few moments after matching.
I don’t know why I use Tinder, to be honest. It’s a bit degrading and I just don’t thing it’s a highly reputable place to meet men. But I digress.
For those of you who have never read my blog before, I have a rare neurological condition called Moebius Syndrome. It causes me to have facial paralysis, along with a speech impediment.
Dating apps are generally not kind to who of us who look different. These apps are so superficial and generally based on how good looking you are. They’re pretty demoralizing because people are so shallow. I guess I’m bitter.. does my bitterness show through? Haha.
Anyway, swiping through Tinder and I just thought, as I do many times a week, will I ever find someone who can look past the Moebius? Someone who won’t judge solely based on appearance? Time and my life experiences have told me no, but I keep opening these apps hoping to be proven wrong. I mean, being single is good because I can do whatever I want whenever I want and have no one to answer to but I guess having a partner would be nice. Someone to travel and see the world with. Someone to watch sunsets with. Someone to just be with, someone to love. Someone to do little things with, like go to movies or for dinner. My friends are the best ever, but there comes a time in life where you find yourself wanting more. I feel like most men judge women based on appearance alone and it grinds my gears. Is there someone out there who will love/want me for me, who I am and what I stand for? I have big dreams and ambitions and I want someone who will help me chase them.
Another disappointment as of late has been job hunting. I’ve had 5-6 interviews and they haven’t ended that well. Interviews are a means to an end, and that end is obviously getting a job but that hasn’t happened for me yet.
I guarantee that employers are at least somewhat put off by how I look or sound. I can’t delude myself into thinking that they don’t notice my lack of facial expression, my drifting eye or my speech. I know they do. I want them to see more, though. I want them to see my passion, my ambitions and my goals. I want them to see what I, as a person, could bring to a communications team. It makes me emotional writing this because I am so angry that prejudice is still such a huge issue in our society. Okay, yes, I look a little different and sound slightly different. Yes, and I also got myself through college and university. I can write, and I know that because people tell me on the daily. They tell me that I have so much to contribute but I’m not able to because Moebius puts people off, I guess.
Just because I (or ANYONE) look different doesn’t mean that I have a mental disability. God. THAT is the prejudice that needs to go. People assume that about me all the time and it seriously makes me angry. I’m trying not to swear right now.. that’s how angry I am when I think about the prejudice that I and so many other people have faced. Educate yourselves, please. Don’t assume that because someone looks different, they must have a mental disability. That is just the worst.
Job interviews haven’t gone super well. I’m internally worried that I’ll never make it in this communications field after so many years of putting my heart and soul into post-secondary. I’m internally worried that I’ll never find someone who can look past my outward differences. I’m internally worried about having to move out in the new few months. I’m internally worried about finishing this course on time. I’m internally worried about my current job. I’m internally worried about my pony who continues to decline health-wise.
I’m internally worried about a lot of things, and very stressed out, as I know a lot of people are. Having a physical difference adds a whole other element that most people do not understand and probably never will, unless they have experienced adversity physically as well.
However, as I listen to the lyrics of Lullaby, I hear the lyrics,
“There’s no need to blow the candle out,
Cuz you’re not done, you’re far too young,
and the best is yet to come”
And I know that:
A) I am not the only one struggling right now and
B) the best is yet to come. There are so many opportunities on the horizon that I haven’t even acknowledged and I have got to keep reaching for them. It would be so easy to sit back and give up, but then what’s the point of life? You’ve got to make the most of the life that you were given and giving up hasn’t crossed my mind. I’m still putting myself out there because I know there’s a difference to be made in this world and I was given this life to make those changes. Society needs to change their views on differences and disabilities. I know that I have the life experiences to propel that change. I have to do it because I have to make my life count. What good are all these negative experiences if I don’t use them to change society for the better? There’s many things out there for me to do and even if I have to do them alone, I’m still going to do them. Because I have to make my life count for something more than just existing.
So, to anyone out there who is barely hanging on, please know that I’m here for you. I probably have been where you’ve been and I know what a struggle life can be, especially if you’ve got any kind of difference. I get it, I’ve been there.
But the best really is yet to come and there is SO much out there for all of us. We are so much more than what we look like, sound like or what people perceive us to be. We are so much more. We have so much to offer. My dream is to live in New York City and be super involved in the communications field there because to me, NYC is the journalism capital of the world. Also, I’m so in love with that city.
To my Moebius friends, I’ve definitely been where you have been or maybe where you are right now. It’s a daily struggle and I 100% get it. No one has inspired me more than the Moebius community. You guys are my family and I would not be who I am without you all. Good lord, we have so much to offer this world because we know what this world needs. It needs more compassion, tolerance and acceptance and I know that we all can teach that.
Don’t ever give up, keep fighting and know that there are people that will always be there for you.
To my amazing friends, family and support system.. you guys are the ultimate blessing and I’m so incredibly grateful to have my Global friends/mentors, my work friends, my family and my long time friends. Everyone in my life plays such an amazing role.
Let’s get out there and change the world. We all have that power. Harness it and embrace it, and the world will be better. Do good, always.