That occasional self doubt.

I know that in all of my previous blogs, I have preached the fact that even with Moebius Syndrome, we are all able to chase and pursue our dreams. I do believe that that is true, and always will.

Sometimes though, self doubt creeps in as I am sure it does for everyone living with any kind of disability. It can be very difficult sometimes.

I finished my first year of college last week. This is a huge accomplishment for me but it brings about some very real challenges. I have no job, no plans for the summer as of yet. I am seriously questioning myself and my abilities right now, so much so that I have reached out to a couple of my teachers to ask their advice in whether I can make it in the journalism world.

The root of journalism is communication, obviously. You constantly have to interact with new people. Having Moebius syndrome and a speech impediment makes it very hard to do this. I know that it is hard for people to understand me so how can I possibly make it in journalism? I love to write, I always have, but there is much more to journalism than that. You can’t just sit behind a screen a write. You have to communicate with people.

I am on the hunt for a summer job right now, also. I want something in the journalism field but these jobs are so hard to find and for almost all of them, one of the requirements is “exceptional verbal communication” or “outgoing”. I am neither of these. Those who don’t have a speech problem take talking and being understood for granted and don’t understand how truly lucky they are. I so wish that communication was easier for me. I wish that I could talk to people without the fear that they won’t understand what I am saying. I know that everyone has challenges, I am not the only one who has hardships in life and I know that. Communication though is everything and I don’t do that very well because of my speech problem. I don’t see myself getting a job answering phones or talking to customers.

I sent a couple emails to my teachers tonight because I am kind of at the end of my rope. I don’t know what to do and i don’t know if journalism is truly going to work out for me. My teachers are amazing and I know that they will have some insight for me.

Also on kind of a separate note, as I mentioned in my last blog, I really believe that my calling in life is to raise awareness of disabilities. I really want to start some kind of awareness campaign or at least get my blog out to more people. I am wondering if any of you might have any idea on how to do that. Any suggestions or advice would be lovely!

Thanks for reading, everyone!


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