That occasional self doubt.

I know that in all of my previous blogs, I have preached the fact that even with Moebius Syndrome, we are all able to chase and pursue our dreams. I do believe that that is true, and always will.

Sometimes though, self doubt creeps in as I am sure it does for everyone living with any kind of disability. It can be very difficult sometimes.

I finished my first year of college last week. This is a huge accomplishment for me but it brings about some very real challenges. I have no job, no plans for the summer as of yet. I am seriously questioning myself and my abilities right now, so much so that I have reached out to a couple of my teachers to ask their advice in whether I can make it in the journalism world.

The root of journalism is communication, obviously. You constantly have to interact with new people. Having Moebius syndrome and a speech impediment makes it very hard to do this. I know that it is hard for people to understand me so how can I possibly make it in journalism? I love to write, I always have, but there is much more to journalism than that. You can’t just sit behind a screen a write. You have to communicate with people.

I am on the hunt for a summer job right now, also. I want something in the journalism field but these jobs are so hard to find and for almost all of them, one of the requirements is “exceptional verbal communication” or “outgoing”. I am neither of these. Those who don’t have a speech problem take talking and being understood for granted and don’t understand how truly lucky they are. I so wish that communication was easier for me. I wish that I could talk to people without the fear that they won’t understand what I am saying. I know that everyone has challenges, I am not the only one who has hardships in life and I know that. Communication though is everything and I don’t do that very well because of my speech problem. I don’t see myself getting a job answering phones or talking to customers.

I sent a couple emails to my teachers tonight because I am kind of at the end of my rope. I don’t know what to do and i don’t know if journalism is truly going to work out for me. My teachers are amazing and I know that they will have some insight for me.

Also on kind of a separate note, as I mentioned in my last blog, I really believe that my calling in life is to raise awareness of disabilities. I really want to start some kind of awareness campaign or at least get my blog out to more people. I am wondering if any of you might have any idea on how to do that. Any suggestions or advice would be lovely!

Thanks for reading, everyone!

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Time.

Time flies. This is one of the most cliche phrases out there, yes. However, it is so true.

I know that I have not blogged for a couple months but things really have been crazy for the last while. My first year of college is done in 3 days. I can not believe it. I have to be moved out of residence in 4 days. I can’t believe it. It seems like I was just blogging about how nervous I was to start college. It seems like I was just moving into res and starting my classes and stressing about meeting new teachers.

Now 8 months have passed. 8 months. That is just so crazy to me. In that time, I met amazing people in my journalism program. Everyone in my classes is amazing. My teachers are the most outstanding people that I have ever met. My roommate who I was so nervous to meet is now one of my closest friends here. I am sad that this year is over. I am going to miss everyone and my roommate graduates in May so I won’t even see her next year. It is going to be so weird not to see her every day and hang out and talk. I got a studio in res for next year so I am excited about that, but also nervous. I don’t know if I will like living alone. Having my own place will be nice but it’ll be weird to be by myself every day.

Anyway, I have so much work to do before the semester ends. The summer is approaching. I have applied for so many jobs for the summer but I have not heard back from any as of yet. I am worried that I won’t find anything. What if I don’t? What do I do then? I know that everything will fall into place though and i just have to put my faith into that.

Also something that really became important to me in the last couple months is really throwing myself into trying to create a campaign that will raise awareness of Moebius syndrome and other disabilites. I have had some derogatory comments thrown my way from strangers in the past while and this has just made it all that much more important to me to raise awareness. I really believe that this is what I am on this earth for. We all have a calling in life and I truly believe that this is mine. I want this world to be more tolerant for the future generations with Moebius and all other disabilities. No one deserves to be bullied because of what they look like.

This past 8 months has been a time of growth for me. I threw myself into my classes and I strive to do well, which is why I have a lot of work to do in the next couple days to get all of my assignments done. I just want to thank my amazing teachers for all of their unwavering support and encouragement this past 8 months. You all are the reason that I am still striving to do my best and really become someone. I can not thank you all enough, you’re all just incredible people who deserve all the praise in the world and I can’t say thank you enough.

Here’s to our first year of college, guys! We did it! And here’s to another amazing year starting in September. To all of my journalism friends, I am so lucky to have been able to meet you all. You’re all really great people and I so look forward to seeing you all again in September!

Remember, whoever you are, whatever your adversity, you can ALWAYS achieve your dreamss. Let nothing stand in your way.