Obviously the world of journalism is about communication. It is about getting information from sources to put together a good story. You have to talk to people to find out details. You have to interview people to get quotes which are essential for any kind of news story. Yes, I understand that. I think that this is one thing that I largely overlooked when getting myself into this journalism program.
My problem is, I think, that I put too much emphasis on my speech issue. In my own mind, I can’t talk to anyone because no one will understand me. Whenever I talk to someone, no matter who it is, I always am thinking somewhere in my mind “they have no idea what I am saying”. This is why I avoid talking to strangers. I avoid social situations. This is sad but so true. No one knows, not my friends nor my family, how difficult it is. I don’t talk about it to anyone, ever. I find it awkward and embarrassing I guess. I don’t want to bring attention to the fact that I have a speech issue and I sure am not looking for a pity party. Life is not going so dashing at this point. I know that sounds super dramatic but it is true. Although I would never say that I hate my life, ever, I just know that some things have to change. The way that I see myself must change and I know that no one can do that but me.
Anywho, this week I am interviewing a friend(ish) that is a DJ at a local radio station. He’s super cool. I’ve only met him once but my friend is pretty good friends with him. I’m stressing out about it already. I am typing out the questions that I plan on asking and with every one that I write my mind set is “what if he doesn’t understand what I am saying?” What if it is super awkward? I don’t know why I put so much stock in how I speak. I really don’t get it. I have many friends in the Moebius community and none of them seem to have this issue, or at least I have never heard about it. Some of them work for the government, one is a professor and one worked for a call centre! These people are huge inspirations and they are examples of every day heroes in my eyes. They don’t let their differences hold them back. I am so, so lucky t know such amazing people. I think there have just been so many instances over my 22 years of not being understood thus leading to awkward situations that I just have started to let the fear rule me and my life.
I don’t know how to stop it and that, obviously is the problem. I looked in the mirror the other day and said to myself “you are not less of a person than anyone else. You are who you are and that’s good enough” but I don’t think it sank it. Actually I know that it didn’t as I am sitting here writing this.
So what do I do? I know that the only way to grow as a person is to get out of your comfort zone and I am trying to do that more often, but it is tough. All I can do right now is prepare for this interview and hope for the best.
Some day I will not be ruled by the things that make me unique.