I was just thinking tonight that I wish I knew what the future had in store for me. Wouldn’t it make life much easier? There are so many things that I want to accomplish, wouldn’t it be nice to know if I was able to do with my life what I have in mind? Then I got to thinking, maybe it wouldn’t make life easier. Would it make it boring? Or depressing if I didn’t like what I saw? It comes down to this: we shape our own future. What we want the future to be, we have to make it so. There are a few things that are on my mind tonight, regarding what my future holds.
I can’t believe how fast this summer is flying by. Granted, I haven’t done a whole heck of a lot but my first day of college is fast approaching. I know that I have a ton of things to do to get ready, such as school shopping and packing things to take to my dorm room. I admit that I’m putting it off because I don’t really want it to happen. Maybe it’s not that I don’t want it to happen, I just don’t want to think of what it will be like. What will it be like meeting my roommate for the first time? What will it be like living on campus? Will I get involved with the campus community and participate in residence events? That I don’t know. I won’t know until it happens, I guess. And maybe I should be excited about it but I just am not. And maybe I’ll look back on my life in 30 years and say “man, college was the best time of my life. I don’t know why I was so apprehensive about it in the summer of 2013!”. This is what makes life interesting, I guess.. Not knowing what the future holds for us. When you think about it, we could really make our futures anything we desired. I want my future to be about travelling, learning, writing, working in big cities such as New York, meeting my idols and finding someone to love. This all sounds far fetched to me right now but I am confident that if I work hard enough, have enough drive and passion and really set my heart on things I can accomplish everything that I want in life. This life really is a blank canvas and we can paint any picture that we want to. When I think of college in this way, it makes me feel a little better. It makes me feel that I can make college everything that I want it to be. I can have friends, I can be a role model, I can be a student that teachers like, I can make great grades.
How does having Moebius Syndrome come into play in this situation? Well, I know that everyone who is starting their first year of university/college is nervous. That’s natural, and the fear of the unknown. For us with Moebius, this is only heightened. What will people think of the way we talk or the way we look? What if we have night terrors and wake up our roommates? Will professors write us off as people who can’t possibly make it very far in life because of our circumstance? The answers to these questions are unknown to me right now and they will continue to be until my first day. All I have is my passion for writing and the knowledge of the fact that I will try as hard as I can to fit in. I keep thinking to myself that I will join clubs and participate in residence activities and be really involved in the whole college experience but in reality I don’t know if I can pull myself out of my shell enough to make this happen. But when things get tough, I will refer back to my saying that we create the future that we want. If I hide out in my dorm room for the whole year, well, I’ll be missing out on so much. I’ve got to get up the courage to put myself out there. I know that I preach all the time that we with Moebius can do absolutely anything that we want to, be what we want to be and be successful in all of our endeavours but sometimes this is easier said than done. But it can be done. Life is what really what we make it and I will keep reminding myself of that. This is a new chapter of my life and it’s a fresh start.
The other thing on my mind is writing a book. This book would be about my life, my struggles and trepidations. It’s main aim would be to really reach out to others with physical differences who have struggled like I have and let them know that anything is possible. Life is just too short to sit in your room, hiding from the world. I know this from personal experience. It’s easier to hide away sometimes but it doesn’t make life that enjoyable. I’ve had a few people tell me that I should write a book so I am seriously considering it and in the vert early stages of planning.
So, I am going to link to one of my previous blogs about what exactly Moebius Syndrome is in case you’re new to my blog and have no idea what it is. If this is the case, don’t worry. It’s very common to not know. Even most doctors have never heard of it. It’s a really rare neurological condition.
I am ready for what life has in store for me and my goal from here on out is to make my life everything that I know it can be. There are so many things that I want to do. Not to be pretentious but I really do want to be a role model to show younger generations with Moebius (and any physical difference) that we really can do anything and to not let anything hold you back. Life is too short for that.
PS. Grandpa, it’s been a little over two weeks since you passed away. Wow, I cannot believe it has been that long.. I just want you to know that I think of you every day and I miss you every second. I know you’re watching over us now and you’ll be in my heart forever.