I said a few days ago that I was going to cut back on blogging for a while just because this blog does not have the audience that I would like it to. I love the people who read my blog on a regular basis, and I thank you so much for doing so. I just wish that I could get this blog out to a larger audience. The goal here is to touch as many people as possible with my message about Moebius syndrome and spreading awareness. I share this on Twitter to anyone who will listen and I post it on my personal Facebook page, but there’s not a lot more I can do to let people know about it.. Or is there? Please comment and let me know any ideas on how to gain a larger audience. All I am striving for is to spread awareness about Moebius and share my experiences, my trials and tribulations in hopes that it will help in some small way make the world a more tolerant and understanding place. As always, let me know your thoughts on this. Please do comment and let me know if you like my blog, if you’ve learned anything, any questions you may have or anything. I’m not getting any feedback so I really just need to know how I’m doing and if this blog is reaching it’s full potential and if it’s truly doing what I want it to do which is, again, to raise awareness.
Okay. Onto the topic for today. Social anxiety is something that I know many people suffer from. One of my best friends was over at my house today. She has told me before that she has social anxiety and today she said she just didn’t know what to say, how to approach people. I didn’t really know that people felt the same way as me because this is exactly how I feel. Our house is under construction right now and there are 2 guys that are here working every day. I have kind of come to know them a bit. I don’t talk to them too much unless it’s just a passing conversation. I am not going to lie to you, dear blog readers.. I find the two guys really freaking attractive. I don’t want be a creeper though although today it might have seemed like it as my friend and I were sitting at the table laughing really loudly all afternoon. So anyway, back to the point. It’s not so much that I have social anxiety as much as it is to do with my having Moebius. I guess if I do have social anxiety, it is definitely because of the Moebius. It’s not how I look or anything. I do have the facial paralysis but that doesn’t really bother me anymore. It’s my speech. I worry about walking up to someone, saying something and having them not understand what I said. It’s happened before and trust me, it is so awkward. I do not know how to start conversations with people. I would love to be able to talk to these guys like they were my friends but I just physically can’t do it. They kind of joke around with me sometimes and they’re super nice but I’m just held back by the way that I speak and I worry that they won’t understand and that would be super awkward. This is why I kind of try to have conversation starters that people can see rather than hear. For example, sometimes if I go to get myself a coffee or something, I will bring them a box of TimBits (for all you non- Canadians Timbits are donut holes). I’ll come home with the box and I’ll be like “I brought you a gift!” or something like that. There’ll be a few exchanges between us and I’ll go back inside wishing I could have said more. It’s not only with these guys though, it’s with anyone. Any new person that I don’t know very well, I can’t approach and start a conversation. People say “oh, just do it. It can’t be that bad” stuff like that but it is extremely difficult for me to start conversations with anyone that I don’t know well. I went to a hockey practice one morning last year and I’m a fan of the team that was visiting. I saw a guy in that teams jersey. I so wanted to go up to him and be like “Go [insert team name here]!” Or “love your jersey”! Or something like that. But I couldn’t. It’s so frustrating! I don’t know how to come out of my proverbial shell. If anyone has anything to say about this please comment and let me know! I am open to any and all suggestions. It’s just frustrating not being able to communicate easily with people. Maybe I’m thinking that I sound worse than I really do and I know that the only way to work through this is to converse with people more and put myself out there but it is so difficult and I really don’t know how to overcome this. I want to be able to talk to people, offer the construction guys coffee or whatever but I just avoid conversation. It’s tough. So social anxiety can be caused by anything and it’s a real thing and it is hard to live with. I know that mine is caused by Moebius syndrome and having a speech impairment but lots of different people have varying degrees of social anxiety.
A few different friends have asked me to blog and give my perspective on a few different topics. I can’t do it all in one blog so there will be a couple more blogs coming possibly tonight or tomorrow.
Like always if you have an opinion on anything that I have talked about in this blog or any other blog, suggestions, advice, questions, etc.. Please comment and let me know!